Inappropriate

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately

Trying to figure out

When exactly it was

That by body became 

Inappropriate

It might have been 

When my legs got long

I mean…

That much leg is inappropriate 

For an eleven year old

I couldn’t help it that I was already 

Five six and a half

And it was only going to get worse from there

So it was best 

Not to wear anything

That would show off my legs too much

Because that would be inappropriate

And then my legs got thick

And that was just plain unattractive

So it was best

To keep them covered altogether

Ok got it

Pants it is

And then at some point

My hips got round

And my butt got big

Never as big 

Or as round

As I would have wanted

But just robust enough

To draw unsolicited attention

With natural movement

Walking 

Or standing in a comfortable position

In my new uncomfortable body

A curvy silhouette 

Should not be intentionally emphasized 

So it was for the best

That my pants got baggy

(thank God for the 90’s)

And if I did dare to wear

Leggings 

Or skinny jeans

It was not just for the best

But absolutely crucial

That whatever was on top

Must cover my butt

Completely.

Anything else

Would be inappropriate

And then came 

That pivotal point 

In a young girl’s life

A girl on the verge of becoming a woman

That essential moment

When by the grace of God

The prayers of a youngest daughter

Were answered

A girl who watched her sisters

And seemingly every girl in the world

Around her get theirs

I finally got my boobs

It took a while

But when I got them

I GOT them

I really got them

And I was proud of my boobs!

But that’s inappropriate

My boobs are not

For my own pride or flaunting

My boobs 

Are for men to admire

But not for me

To bring attention to them

Or do 

Or wear anything 

To make men admire them

Because that would be whorish

And inappropriate

So it’s best to minimize them 

As much as possible

Ok

No curves

No cleave

Got it

Then me and my boobs

And my baggy pants

Joined the workforce

And I did what you do

As a young professional woman

I bought myself

A whole bunch of blouses

The mark of a professional woman

A button up shirt with a collar 

You can’t go wrong with a blouse

Right?

Wrong.

Because the thing about the blouse

It was not necessarily made

With a buxom bosom in mind

Which turns that button up 

Into a button almost all the way up

And that’s inappropriate in the workplace

So I embraced the cami

The perfect solution 

A simple tank 

That will solve

All of my professional attire problems

But the thing about a cami

Your basic discount cami 

Was also not made with the girls in mind

So now it’s even worse

No matter what I wore

There they were

My boobs in the workplace

Nothing could be more inappropriate

And that’s when I embraced the cardigan

God’s most universal 

Cover up creation

The cardigan comes in every color

Every length 

Every pattern and fabric

A cardigan for every look

It covers the arms

It can mask hip and tummy curves 

It can cover the butt 

Depending on the length

But the best thing about the cardigan

Is the ability to pull it uncomfortably

Across your chest

As you cross your arms

In a meeting

Or face to face conversation of any sort

Completely eliminating any hint

Of femininity remaining on your torso

Making the inappropriate

Appropriate again

God bless the cardigan

And don’t even get me started 

On the jean jacket

I will not get started 

On the jean jacket

Because this story has gone on long enough

But as you can see

I’ve spent a lot of thinking about this lately

And trying to unlearn 

Everything I was raised

To think about the appropriateness 

Of my body

Because nothing about this body is inappropriate

This body is glorious

And I will honor it 

In all the ways 

That feels appropriate for me