I Never Wanted You To Go

or Usnavi

or Maybe These Things Just Happen

I was scared to death of you

But I never wanted you to go

I was nowhere near ready

Or expecting to be expecting you

But I never wanted you to go

We were so unprepared

That I fear I wished you away

But I didn’t really

Want you to go

My everything changed

The day I knew I knew you

You had the power to change things

That I wasn’t strong enough

To change on my own

You made me strong

But I wasn’t strong enough to keep you

Or maybe these things happen

Or maybe it wasn’t your time

Or maybe I was doing too much

Too many jobsToo much vitamin C

Too many vitamins period

Too much pressure

To do it all

And to do it all right

Too many tears

And not enough sleep

Or maybe these things just happen

Because apparently

These things just happen

And apparently

They happen to me

Because as it turns out

Supergirl

Is just a woman

And her womb

Is just a womb

A once healthy womb

Ready to house and protect

A womb that was.

A womb turned into a wound.

The womb has closed

But the wound will never heal

What was once my womb

Is now a whole in my heart the size of a lentil

A tiny little lentil bean

With lungs and a heartbeat

A lentil bean

Upgraded from a sesame seed

But never made it to a pea

A lentil bean

Cooked or dry I always wondered

Cooked or dry

You will always be part of me

I called you Usnavi

Because everything changed

The day you were on your way

Now you’re off to a better place

Before you got the change to know this one

And I know these things happen

And I cry because I know

It’s probably for the best

But I never

Ever ever

Ever Ever

Wanted you to go